Well, you see I have
completed six years of my social and legal married life (my marriage with
Diptee got registered this year only with retrospective effect from 21st
November 2007. Why it wasn't registered on the day of my social marriage is
something you will understand once you finish reading this piece)
It’s been quite magical six years
and I couldn't have asked more anything better. Ya, Ya, I know it is
so cliché and mushy and whatever (with rolling eyes) but I am
fortunate to say that this is a true experience. I have a beautiful and loving
wife, not to mention that she is also extremely creative with a considerable
amount of taste. But today when I think of that day of my marriage, I find it
to be quite a comedy. So, let the comedy unfold.....
Inspired by Vidhu Vonod
Chopra's Parineeta, Diptee's family decided to have the marriage in the Bengali
way. Well, that was ok with me because it made my part a little easy with my
mother. Diptee was the first "non - Bengali" who was going to be
a part of our 'moderately orthodox and conventional brahmin family'. Well, my
cousin brothers and sisters have the record of love marriages with 'non -
brahmins' and some of them also have eloped and married. They are all a happy
family settled with kids. I, being the youngest brother of the family (youngest
by great magnitude, my sister who has the least age difference with me is 10
years elder to me) was the only brother left to be married. So
you can well imagine the speculation in the family. My mother was successful
enough to keep Diptee guarded from my family before the marriage. This was not
only to add in the (melo)dramatic effect but because she herself was not very
sure of the reactions of my family members as to how they will react to this
marriage, although they were very excited and eager apparently.
21st November 2007
4:30 AM
Those who are aware of
Bengali marriages will know that the bride and the groom are supposed to fast
on the day of the marriage till they are married. This means that you have to
wake up at the wee hours of dawn and perform a social ritual called
"Dodhimangal" - it somewhat means fortune brought along with sweet
curd (that was bad translation, I know). What you do in this ritual is that all
the married women of the family goes to the Ganga (it is usually municipal
corporation tube wells in cities as it was also in my case) gets a kalash of
water, comes back, blesses you and then you will have to eat a mix of Shondesh,
Mishti Doi and plain chewda. It may sound yummy but it tastes horrendous
especially if you have it on an empty stomach right after you have brushed your
teeth.
Now, if that is all that
you get to eat for the next 12 - 13 hours, then shove it down your food pipe
till you feel nauseous.
8:45 AM
A delegation of my family members
reaches Diptee's house with some Mishti Doi and Shondesh. Mission - to deliver
the haldi (turmeric) which has been touched by me, so that the same can be
mixed with the haldi that will be applied to Diptee. Cool! They return back
after accomplishing the mission and my 'Chorda' who is the 2nd eldest of my
cousin brothers ('Chorda' is usually the youngest brother of the family but in
my family we call our 2nd eldest brother as 'Chorda' - now don't ask me why
because I don't know) who was a part of the delegation, walks up to me and
congratulates me for such a wonderful choice of bride. Beaming with pride I go
up to my terrace to perform my 'Gayeholud'.
10:30 AM
I am roaming aimlessly and
suddenly I hear that there is a huge disorder at Park Circus seven point
crossing. The delegation has already reached back and this disorder has started
after they have crossed that place which was on their way.
I switch on the television and
the news channels give "Breaking News" that a group of extremists has
created this disorder and their want is 'the government should not give shelter
to the controversial Bangladeshi author, Tasleema Nasereen'. Man! They couldn't
pick another day? To my horror, in the next couple of hours, I see the
situation develop into a serious law and order problem with a strong
possibility of becoming a communal riot. My car in which I was supposed to
reach my marriage hall, gets stuck in Park Circus, calls me and goes back (they
bloody eventually charged me for the car and Diptee, even today complains of
not having an experience of car decorated with flowers).
1:00 PM
I start panicking and sulking
after it is declared in the news that the Army has taken over the situation and
there will be curfew on A. J. C
Bose Road from Park Circus to Moulali from 9 PM
till next day 6 AM. My marriage hall, incidentally, was on A. J. C Bose Road
and was very much within the jurisdiction of the curfew.
There goes my only chance of
getting married. Shit!
1:30 PM
The family think tank team gets
into an emergency meeting and decides that the marriage has to go on - and for
that the most essential two components are the bride and the groom. The brides’
family's presence is of secondary importance in the given situation.
Action Plan - Get Diptee to the
marriage hall safely ASAP. The family can follow later.
My brother in law
(Bobbyda) grabs a Maruti Esteem of
another family member and rushes to Garia where Diptee was staying, to bring
her to the marriage hall.
2:25 PM
Diptee along with her own
sister, commonly known as Janu (JanuTai - Sister = Tai in Marathi) and a cousin
sister hops into the car and rushes towards the marriage hall. Now we all know
that Maruti Esteem is now a collector's item as it was six years back. Now this
particular car ran out of petrol as it reached Dhakuria bridge. Luckily it was
a dual fuel car and hence it ran on gas as well. To everyone's horror it was
out of gas as well. The nearest petrol pump was at Golpark which is about 600
odd meters from that spot.
Result - Janu Tai (the
only one in the car who knows how to drive apart from Bobbyda) grabs the wheel,
a frantic and efficient Bobbyda grabs a few rickshawalas and all these men are
pushing the car on Dhakuria bridge, towards Golpark.
A gorgeous dressed up
bride to be Diptee is sitting inside the car enjoying the ride.
5:10 PM
Diptee is ready and is
getting bored in the marriage hall.
5.25 PM
I am ready to leave for
the marriage hall (150 m from my house) in that same Blessed Maruti Esteem. I
didn’t have any option. The florist who was supposed to decorate my car was
local hence he decorated that car with flowers and I reached the Hall in 2.5
minutes flat. (It was funny.)
Anyway, my mother - in -
law whom I call Aai (mother in Marathi) and my father - in - law whom I call
Dada (as he is commonly called Dada in the family by his brothers, children,
Diptee's cousins) and a few of Diptee's family members are ready
to receive me. By that time I could understand little bit of Marathi,
if spoken slowly. After the ritual of 'Aarti' was over, I hear Dada telling something
to Aai and what I guessed he said was "Shouldn't we call Diptee's cousin
brother to bring Subhro in by holding his ears"?
My guess was right when
I confirmed the same with Diptee later. It is apparently a custom in Marathi
marriage that the brother - in - law holds the ear of the bride and welcomes
him to the marriage hall.
I shall reserve my
comments on the same!
7:00 PM
Things are normal and
Diptee's family members who had flown in from Mumbai, arrive in the marriage
hall. I am tired of thinking as to what will happen to them, how will
they return home etc, etc and no one for whom I am thinking so much seemed to
be really bothered, hence I decided to enjoy my marriage just as they were
enjoying the same.
7:30
I start walking to the
'mandap' where the marriage will take place and then one of Diptee's brother -
in - law, who is one of the sweetest and liveliest person I have ever met,
intercepts me and asks me very genuinely in very high spirits (figuratively
speaking), "Subhro, we were all thinking that since it is your marriage
and a happy occasion, we should all celebrate. Was just wondering if you can
tell us in case there is any bar around, so that we may go and have a couple of
drinks." - Isn't he a darling?
Well, it was one of those
occasions in life when you don’t know how and what to react. I mean c'mon! In
about one and a half hours time there will be curfew and the groom is being
enquired about a bar near Jora Girja? (Full unconditional surrender to the
moment)
I politely told him that
there isn't any nearby and gently reminded him of the curfew. It didn’t seem to
dampen his spirits though, but I had no choice but to continue to walk towards
the 'mandap'.
The marriage ceremony goes
on without much unusual events. A few people couldn't turn up for obvious
reasons.
9:00 PM
Military takes over the
road and curfew is on. They start patrolling with firearms and combat vehicle.
10:00 PM.
I am finally a married
man. We walk up to the terrace where the buffet was laid and have dinner. We
all take a peek at the main road where the army was marching.
10:20 PM
We come down from the
terrace and my family members bid me goodnight. So I am left with my in laws to
spend the night. Couldn't blame my family much. So, I get hold of Diptee’s cousin and start yapping for sometime.
10:45 PM
Well, there were rooms in
the marriage hall that was kept for Diptee's family to rest for the night and of
course there was a room where Diptee and I was supposed to spend the night
along with my friends and families singing and giving adda all night. That is,
you see, a Bengali custom where the newly wedded couple spends the night
singing songs, giving adda and having a lot of fun with friends and young
members of the family. (The curfew ruined it all)
The cousin and I visit the
room where Diptee's family was supposed to spend the night. I find my newly
wedded wife sitting beside her aunt and taking off
her jewellery and getting ready to go to sleep. Hello!
Diptee gives me a smile
and in a matter of fact tone tells me, "Good Night!" Huh?
I look back at the cousin
and he gives me back his signature smile. What else could he have done!
We then enter another room
to find that Diptee's father and uncle are snoring to glory.
The cousin again gives me
his signature smile and says, "Chalo! Lets go off to sleep as well!"
There it is! I spent the
first night after marriage sleeping with two middle aged married men and a
young bachelor. (That was literal, please!)
22nd November 2007
7:00 AM
The curfew has been lifted
an hour ago. I get up, brush my teeth and come and sit along with Diptee for
the ritual of 'Vidaai'.
My mother-in-law does the
ritual of aarti and according to Marathi rituals, one of Diptee's sister - in - law puts some vegetables and loads
of uncooked rice in the piece of cloth that was tied with Diptee's saree and
was hanging round my neck. To my horror, she also puts a full size coconut and
ties that entire load in the cloth. It was heavy! But what I could have done? I
was outnumbered. Then the custom of crying started. I mean, I do understand the
sentiment, but, you see, when there are twenty people crying loudly and you
know that you are the cause and you are alone in the pack, you do feel a little
uncomfortable and insecure.
7:20 AM
My sister and my cousin
brother 'Munnada' comes to my rescue and we all leave the marriage hall. Now
since my house was only 2.5 minutes away, it was decided that we will first go
to a temple in Behala (South Kolkata) and then return home. By this time my
family will also get time to prepare things for the rituals that were to be
done.
So we are set off to
Behala. (You see that white piece of cloth around me? That is where I was
carrying that coconut.)
8:30 AM
We have finished our visit
of the temple and are on our way back. Diptee is a person who cannot stay empty
stomach. I have never seen someone who can give up anything for her breakfast.
We were somewhere near Alipore where Diptee suddenly discovers a
"Flurys" outlet.
So we enter Flurys in
Alipore fully dressed in our wedding costumes. Ahem!
We order for English
breakfast and hog to glory. (It was very embarrassing as everyone including
staff members were staring at us).
Then while receiving the
bill we realised that both Diptee and I were not carrying our wallet. My sister
and Munnada were also not carrying their wallet as there was no requirement of
the same. Anyways after polishing off both their pockets and purse, we were
still short of a couple of hundred of bucks. I was in no mood to wash the
dishes. We then took some money from the driver of the car and paid off the
bill. I was super embarrassed and told the store manager that we couldn't tip
them. He smiled back and said that it was not a problem.
My confident wife
commented that the manager should have given us the breakfast complementary.
her logic was how often in the history of Flurys, have a newly wedded
bridegroom had breakfast in their full wedding costume? Ya... Well.... Ahem!
9:45 AM
We reach my house.
Off course we didn’t tell
the Flurys incident to our families for a long time!
That is how I got married
amongst all the madness. When I look back at it, I find it quite funny.
